The feeling.

It just sucks so bad just the feeling you get when you feel like that special someone that you care about atm prolly sounds/looks like she’s upset and they don’t leave you anything to find comfort that they’ll have a good night’s rest just leaving you a simple “its nothing ” and ending the night convo with that and a “Goodnight” so many things pop up in my mind when those scenarios happen Sometimes i even wonder if there getting more rest then i am right now even if there the one with some sort of problem .

idk what to say.

Huge sigh* Fuck ! idk what to think is this really just a lead on is this really not gonna go anywhere? Overall i’m pretty sure she says she’s trying to resist me and that she doesn’t wanna be to attached yet she says she cant resist me or my hugs or kisses. We still hug as if we were a couple.We still kiss as if we are too. most of our days we call each other babe and act like this is all official between us both. But it’s never been official yet. Imean she did admit she lead me on the first time but it just hurts me so much that this might actually be the second time … It hurts so much cuz i care for her so much more after days go on by and my feelings grow each and everyday for her she’s on my thoughts almost all the time now. She’s the reason for most of my emotions now and how the outcome of my day will go. She’s on my mind and it can either make me so Stressed and sad and all these crappy emotions or she can make me feel like anything can happen with me and her.

There’s so much signs honestly that shows that this can be only just a lead on like how this gone for so long and yet she’s still doubting things and still feels so unsure about us. There’s so much that it Kills me i don’t wanna believe this at all. I just feel like taking away all those thoughts out of my mind. I know it’s better to face it that this can just be another lead on and just back away but i’m stupid thats me and i just want this all to be different. Just have me and her be official and have those normal couple problems other then this. As stupid as it is i’m just not gonna accept it!Maybe she just needs some convincing or some comfort that she shouldn’t have doubts.& that I hope those doubts are just those usual ones girls usually have like thinking whether she should trust me or if she thinks imight hurt her.

Cuz i know for sure that i would never want to hurt her at all and i just wouldn’t really wanna treat a girl poorly especially if she’s the whole reason for my happiness in a period of my life you know. She tells me that i’m just to good to be true that i left some girl for her that i told that”There’s this special girl that left me but now i have a chance and that i wanna take that chance with her again” and that she thinks its to good to be true that even if she told me that she just wanted to be friends the first time that i still go bother talking to her again and still care for her that i give her this second chance to be with each other again. Sigh* Just sometimes.. I just wanna feel her hug me first and just hold me and say that she wants me to be hers. That i want her to just accept that she’s that special in my eye’s. I know her; why would she hurt me she cares about me like i am towards her i wouldn’t wanna hurt her even if it means that i’m going to get hurt instead .): Just hope that she doesn’t wanna hurt me and that this is just some doubts that I can just brush off and continue a chapter in life with her.

(Source: Gonethru)

Today 1/17/12

Despite the fact i was out of the mood today just really feeling upset.Just finding out she was shadowing today well at first reaction i just felt like out of all days why shadow when i’m upset and feeling unwell. But right when i see her in the halls and seeing that smile of hers.. That reaction just changed Well i just really couldn’t help but smile back and looking away. Just glad that i had her in my arms today and got to see her smile and hear her laugh today it just made me feel like; me feeling out of the mood was worth it all just cuz she was there to brighten up my day (:

Worst feeling.

  Is when the person that means so much to you gives up hope and all that you say to that person you care for; now turns into unsure feelings whether to believe its just another lie or it really is the truth about everything you will tell him/her from here on then, and all those promises you made? turn’s into doubts in his/her mind, and then your left off there feeling crappy not even knowing where to start from there.

All for what.

Damn so much though were is this going we maybe gone through so much but for what.. I feel as if i’m not good enough for you i feel like im not the one who’s going to sweep you off your feet nor turn your world upside. Sometimes i feel like were going to happen like doing all these thing were going to do but then all those just tumble down and then i just stop and think is this really going to happen or is this one of those moments were it’s all to good to be true. I feel like so much of a bother i feel like im just adding to your problems like im no help. Like i’m trying so hard but it just leads to me going back One step forward and two steps back. I just really don’t know if i should keep at it and make this into something or just move on and accept the fact that this might not go anywhere and we can be no more then just friends.